Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
