some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
