I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
