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As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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