In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
