god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
