sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
