I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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