i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
