Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There's always time for handjobs
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
