I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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