Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
