I could make wine with my vomit
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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