you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
