I wanna passion pit in your ass
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
