he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
