I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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