Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
