dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
