The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
false alarm, still single
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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