love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
