eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
