I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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