If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
