hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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