I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
