party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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