How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
