Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
