Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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