i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
