Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
