I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
