I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
birth control should be required to get into college
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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