So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
