shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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