Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
