New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
