There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
