I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
