You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I lost the right to judge tonight
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize