she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
