Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
