Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
