Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
