3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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