Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
