Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
