am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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