we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
