Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
