every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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