If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I want to make a zoo with you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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