$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
