Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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