the condom got lost in my hair
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
