Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
