I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
