I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
