What a fucking waste of an outfit
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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