Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
40s are totally the cure
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize