Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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