my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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