What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She even gives head with a lisp.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
