so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize