I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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