shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
