Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
