Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
