he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
two words: eviction party
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
