hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
