He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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