Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
