And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
