someone threw a dead crab at me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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