YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
