all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Randomize
