At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
