Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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