help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
