I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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