it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
