I think I died a long time ago.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
