I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
