You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Did I show you my penis last night?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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