Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
